Santi - 10/17/2007 - Life in Xuzhou, China

CLOTHING - Heaps of people wear face masks all the time in Xuzhou, apparently because the city is extremely polluted, which is great news because I thought I would die the day one of the non-maskers coughed in front of me and I thought I was the only nincompoop NOT protecting himself against Sars and/or the bird flue. The children here don't wear diapers. In their stead they wear pants that are not really pants, more like things that cover everything EXCEPT their Shilaylays. it never gets old watching parents hold their kids over trashcans so they can pee in front of the world, or crouch em down because Xuzhou is their toilet. I wish I could send you a picture but my camera broke which is probably better because such pictures might be borderline pedophile and that's a line i hadn't planned to cross for another five to six years WHAT?

THE FOOD - As I said earlier, everything's to be found on sticks... a brief recollection: dog, lamb, cow, stinky tofu, chicken, duck, the little pigeon-like birds with little eggs that are very delicious, turtle, cow placenta (very healthy), e-to-the-tc. but the worst of all (unbeknownst to me at the time) were cow eyes which were almost as delicious as the time when my friend Fernando called me very excited after he finished his first successful castration and served me a bulls' testicles' cocktail which wasn't half bad. All in all not bad. They use cumin and cilantro galore, which is bomb, but they don't know what avocado is and words simply can't describe how sad that is.

THE DRINKS - I have been feeling extremely healthy lately, mostly due to the lack of pot, cigarettes and/or other drugs I may or may not have done in my distant past, and I was actually not drinking very much in Xuzhou until the day I woke up on my vomitful bed and looked at my floor which I peed on not before I was unable to fully take off my pants off the night before and peed on them as well. But that's not the problem. The problem is they called me from work because I was 45 minutes late for a 1-hr class so I had to get my ass on a cab and couldn't pick up my dinner and drinks from the night before until AFTER work. This line I definitely crossed before (shhh!), but didn't plan on doing so again! I guess I got carried away because people in Xuzhou can't drink very much and they get red and I’m an idiot. Maybe more the former.

MY JOB - I do have one as it turns out. The students are great and all they ask is that i be a native English speaker, which I learned the minute after I told my first batch about my proud Colombian heritage and Guatevity. Mgmt immediately told me I was from Philadelphia and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Because this is China and I don't know what I’m doing here, I let my facial hair grow the longest it's been which isn't much but still makes me the spitting image of don Quixote and his silly moustache and goatee, and one student called me out on it saying 'you know, you don't look very American (the neck on the back of my hair stands up), and when i come to think of it, I can't understand you as well as James (my black DC counterpart).

So I shave now, and don't let LEMON talk in class. Which brings me to my STUDENTS. They are great, and all have English names they get to choose in school and stick to like glue. here's a brief list of some of the names: SUNNY, APPLE, JOHNSON, WILLING, RUNNING, CHERRY - I guess this one's pretty normal, but my all-time favorites thus far are LOOKING (he wears glasses) and FAST RACE CAR.

EPOILOGUE - people told me to come to China and look at the bad English on public places, and I see many funny examples that I forget to tell you about, but one I see one all the time says "For Civilization, Please Ose Poilet" above the urinal.

All my love,

Santi